Life
The Tantrum Conundrum
BY JESSICA CROSS
As all parents know, when it comes to our precious little ones, toddler tantrums are unfortunately an unavoidable milestone. Just when you think you’ve finally seen the back of the dreaded terrible twos, along comes the even more challenging ‘threenager’. I personally found this stage, particularly with my youngest, one of the hardest things I’ve navigated as a parent. Any parent who’s going through this too has my admiration and is deserving of a very large glass of wine (and a cuddle)! Now I’m not saying that ‘I’ve cracked it’ but I’m now finding meltdown situations easier to manage – Phew! Here’s my top tips for surviving the terrible toddler tantrums:
Give them choices
You may have heard the phrase ‘it’s tough being 2’, and it’s very true. In fact, one of the main reasons behavioural experts believe young children have tantrums is because they feel like they have no control over anything. In her book ‘The Tantrum Survival Guide’, Rebecca Hershberg explains that when toddlers throw tantrums they are simply, “learning to express their emotions, assert their independence, forge a place for their needs and wants in what can be a confusing and overwhelming world.” To help to alleviate this frustration she advises giving your child little choices every day so they feel like they have a say. I find giving my little ones control over which flavour juice they want to drink at breakfast, or what colour T-shirt they want to put on that day, makes them less likely to melt down.
Find a distraction
Now I’m not condoning bribery here! Unfortunately, although it may seem like a good idea at the time, bribing a screaming toddler with an ice cream or sweets only works briefly and sends your little one the wrong message about how to get what they want. Distracting them with another activity however is a useful tactic when it comes to avoiding a full-blown tantrum. If I can see one of my toddlers is on the verge of a melt down because they can’t have something, I try offering them an alternative instead. I explain to them, ‘No you can’t go to the park right now because it’s bedtime, but you can have a story and a cuddle instead.’ Hey, it’s not fool-proof, but I find it works most of the time…
Acknowledge but don’t react
Super nanny Jo Frost is a strong believer in not giving in to tantrums. She believes that it’s important to try and remain as calm as possible, not react to it and instead wait for the tantrum to burn itself out. ‘Parents should respond but not react’, she advises and strongly advocates reacting instead to positive behaviour with lots of praise. This way your little one should soon figure out that their positive behaviour gets rewarded with your attention and with a bit of luck the tantrums should start to get less and less. I find myself using this technique a lot and I can honestly say this works for me about 90% of the time. But a word of warning, it’s not for the faint hearted!
Keep Smiling
Recently, I was at our local supermarket and my youngest was having a particularly loud tantrum and one kind parent turned to me and said, ‘keep smiling, you’re doing a great job and this will soon pass.’ Okay, so I admit, it’s not the easiest thing to do in every situation, but having a positive mindset is definitely a game changer. Positivity does indeed nurture positivity in your little one, so as tough as it can be on a bad day, it’s a mantra worth repeating. Even if you do need to say it over and over and over again!
However you choose to tackle your toddler’s tantrums, you’re doing a great job. The simple truth is that because every child is unique, frustratingly there isn’t one method that works for everyone. But rest assured, by trying different techniques with your little one, you will find something that works for the both of you. And most importantly remember to keep smiling - you’ve got this.